It’s the End of the Semester

The end of the year. I am tired of school (I am tired from school), I am tired of the people I see every single day (and yet I miss them desperately when I am away from them), and my brain is actually just a pool of liquid and I don’t know which way is left and which way is right. I’m so done and tired and excited for the summer. But, my wits are frayed beyond comprehension. I have bitterness growing in the depths of my heart and it is growing out from there, reaching into my brain, my bones, my blood. I’m boiling with anger at every little thing. 

And then tonight as I am procrastinating from a very big assignment that is a very big deal, I decided to read 1 John 3. And then God called. me. out. Verses nine and ten literally say, “No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.”

What am I doing? Why am I so angry? What about my workload and end of the semester stress sets me above you by any means?

The answer to those are simple: I am letting the devil in because I am tired and my guard is weak and he’s bringing it down. I am letting him control my thoughts because being mean is so much easier when I’m tired.

I keep reading 11-15, “For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you. We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”

The hate inside me is killing people, it’s condemning people who don’t know the Gospel to Hell because I can’t show them kindness or love or the Gospel. At this point in the reading, I’m pretty bummed out because dang son, I am a murderer! But I keep on reading.

19-24, “By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us.”

I bolded 21 and 22 because that is our hope. God knows everything! He knows that we are being attacked and beaten down and dragged through the mud. And when, like it says in verse 22, we have confidence before God, we please him and we get what we ask for.

What, then, does it cost to choose love in the next seven days of our life, the last seven days of the year? NOTHING because we are receiving favor from God. And that honestly sounds better to me than getting a good grade on an exam (and yet we should do everything with excellence because that’s what God says so I guess I’ll try).

Thank you Jesus that finals week is only a week. Thank you for giving me reasons to be joyful and to release the anger and hurt and pain inside of me. And also thank you for getting me tickets to see the Red Sox. I’m not in a valley, I love Jesus more and more everyday that I get reminded of his love, sacrifice, and power over the grave. I’m just in a rough patch, a rough week where making time for prayer and reading my Bible is hard to come by. But friends, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and his name is Jesus (also, summer vacation).

Getting Sassy About Sin

Today, church was AMAZING. Our church moved into a brand new facility for the first time and I was lucky to get to be at church all day. I could definitely see myself living in my church building, and that’s a great feeling. Also, my dad came down unexpectedly and that was really awesome to have him come to my church with me.

Anyways, we learned about Satan, demons, and spiritual warfare today. It was beautiful, really awesome. And I was really excited to hear what my pastor had to say and he did not disappoint!

He touched on a point (Jesus has won the war!) that I think we as Christians all too often glaze over. Isn’t that crazy? We glaze over the fact that JESUS DIED FOR OUR SINS AND IS BATTLING SATAN FOR US AND HE LOVES US AND WE SHOULD CELEBRATE THAT. 

We spend too much time feeling sorry for ourselves and our sins and crying over our past that we forget that we are forgiven for our transgressions so PLS STOP WHINING. God sent his son to die so that we would stop whining. Jesus defeated death, defeated sin. The battle is won! We have nothing to be sad about (literally nothing because death’s sting was taken away because when you believe in Jesus we get this cool thing called eternal life. and also Heaven. HEAVEN ROCKS).

Okay. I was really moved to say that.

And this whole, our sins are forgiven and death has been defeated stuff doesn’t mean that we can blatantly sin because we know it will get forgiven. No nonononono. NO. That’s not okay. We should be broken up about our sin because it separates us from the Lord. But we can’t spend our lives trashing ourselves, that’s how the Devil wins! We learn from our sin and we move on and do our best to stop being separate from God. But lol joke’s on us because we are going to do it again because we’re human and not perfect.

Anyways, think about that as you remember that Lenten promise you made like 33 days ago and probably broke 30 days ago. And think about that as we celebrate Holy Week and Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection. A sinless man died so that the sinful people could be truly connected to the Father.

Okay. I think that’s all. It’s blunt because it’s late and the end of the semester always makes me a little sassy.

Love ya!!

Community (not the show)

I can’t believe that another month has gone by, let alone this particular March. I think the weirdest part about not having a mom anymore is that I don’t really have someone to tell me what to do anymore. Yeah, I have my dad, but if my mom knew that I still don’t have my passport done, she’d call, text, email, and post on my Facebook wall every day until I finally did it. The bad days that I have had wouldn’t have been bad. Not because my mom would have been alive, but because my mom would have been able to cheer me up.

That being said, I just had an incredible weekend. I was so happy (except for one part where Satan decided to sneak in and be a big ole butthole) for most of the weekend. There was a special time when I was with ten of my very best friends and we were praying in a circle. While we were praying, I remembered the time when these guys (among a few others) came up to my home for my mother’s service. Both of these moments, the prayer circle and my mom’s service, were tremendous acts of love committed by a community that I could not live in this broken world without. 

This community right here is a tiny glimpse of Heaven. It’s a tiny glimpse of the restoration we have coming for us when we leave this place (or when Jesus comes down, you know, whichever comes first). But at the same time, no one in my community is God. We are not perfect and we fall short and we sin against one another. But because we have the Holy Spirit in our hearts and we know the Good News of the Gospel and God’s forgiveness of our sins, we too, can forgive each other.

So on the last day of MSA Awareness month, I wanted to share with you the loves of my life. I don’t know what I’d be without them.

It’s crazy because when most people hear the words “High Point University,” they don’t think of a community of Christians that would do John 15:13 with each other. But I do. My community extends far beyond the people in the pictures I’ve posted, but these gals (and some of my not gal pals) aren’t just pals, they are my family. (I never select “friends” in any BuzzFeed quiz when “family” is an option because my family is more than just the people with whom I share blood with.)

I am blessed to know Jesus and to know that my family knows Jesus and to know that my mom is with Jesus!